Temperature Check

The best outcome for children is to have two parents in a functional marriage.

If there is any chance your marriage is salvageable, focus on that before considering divorce.
We borrowed the exercise below from Nancy Fagan, an Austin-based psychologist and relationship expert. This wonderful tool builds on the work of John Gottman, author of the best-seller “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work“. Nancy has assembled an incredibly helpful set of resources here – please check it out.

The ‘How-we-Met Story’


Sit down with your spouse and go down memory lane. Start the conversation by asking each other the following questions:


“What was our first date like for you?”


“What was going through your mind when you first met me?”


“When did you first know you were in love with me?”


“Did you know you were going to propose, or was it spontaneous?”

Solo Exercise: If you are not able to do the above exercise with your spouse, do it by yourself. Find a quiet space to reflect and answer the questions above.

Pay close attention to how each of you describes the past. Did you describe the events through rose-colored glasses of hope and nostalgia?  Or as undesirable and depressing?

Having a negative perspective about the beginnings of your relationship does not mean divorce is necessary. Instead, it might mean you need to make your relationship a priority. If there is a greater than zero chance your marriage is salvageable, consider counseling for yourself or with your spouse.