The best outcome for children is to have two parents in a functional marriage.
If there is any chance your marriage is salvageable, focus on that before considering divorce.
We borrowed the exercise below from Nancy Fagan, an Austin-based psychologist and relationship expert. This wonderful tool builds on the work of John Gottman, author of the best-seller “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work“. Nancy has assembled an incredibly helpful set of resources here – please check it out.
The ‘How-we-Met Story’
Exercise
Sit down with your spouse and go down memory lane. Start the conversation by asking each other the following questions:
QUESTION 1
“What was our first date like for you?”
QUESTION 3
“What was going through your mind when you first met me?”
QUESTION 2
“When did you first know you were in love with me?”
QUESTION 4
“Did you know you were going to propose, or was it spontaneous?”
Solo Exercise: If you are not able to do the above exercise with your spouse, do it by yourself. Find a quiet space to reflect and answer the questions above.
Pay close attention to how each of you describes the past. Did you describe the events through rose-colored glasses of hope and nostalgia? Or as undesirable and depressing?
Having a negative perspective about the beginnings of your relationship does not mean divorce is necessary. Instead, it might mean you need to make your relationship a priority. If there is a greater than zero chance your marriage is salvageable, consider counseling for yourself or with your spouse.