Temperature Check

The best outcome for children is to have two parents in a functional marriage.

If there is any chance your marriage is salvageable, focus on that before considering divorce.
We borrowed the exercise below from Nancy Fagan, an Austin-based psychologist and relationship expert. This wonderful tool builds on the work of John Gottman, author of the best-seller “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work“. Nancy has assembled an incredibly helpful set of resources here – please check it out.

The ‘How-we-Met Story’

Exercise

Sit down with your spouse and go down memory lane. Start the conversation by asking each other the following questions:

QUESTION 1

“What was our first date like for you?”

QUESTION 3

“What was going through your mind when you first met me?”

QUESTION 2

“When did you first know you were in love with me?”

QUESTION 4

“Did you know you were going to propose, or was it spontaneous?”

Solo Exercise: If you are not able to do the above exercise with your spouse, do it by yourself. Find a quiet space to reflect and answer the questions above.

Pay close attention to how each of you describes the past. Did you describe the events through rose-colored glasses of hope and nostalgia?  Or as undesirable and depressing?

Having a negative perspective about the beginnings of your relationship does not mean divorce is necessary. Instead, it might mean you need to make your relationship a priority. If there is a greater than zero chance your marriage is salvageable, consider counseling for yourself or with your spouse.